Men!

Tell a child that you like the picture she has drawn for you and promptly you will be asked to review another three dozen that she will be scribbling at a volume that will put even disciplined artists to shame.

Now, tell a man (and of course, that is really the point of this post) that you like him in blue (like there are THAT many choices) and you will see, a display of all his blue shirts over the next few weeks. Or tell him, he has gorgeous eyes and he will use it rather shamelessly when you are yelling obscenities at him for being late for a date. Again. But most men, they will argue, don’t really care about that kind of stuff. Maybe they don’t.

But all men will agree that there is one thing that really matters to them.

Which is why a man, at some point, will ask you, after the umm event, with a glint in his eye, “Was that good”, “Yes,” you will say, sweetly and sufficiently demurely. And then he wants to know, how good, better than usual, would you like that again, like right now, can you really do doubles or triples, has it happened before, is it only me. Maybe not all questions at the same time, but at some point in the relationship. Now why would any woman, who loves the man she has just done loving want to burst his bubble and say, “No sweetie, you have done better, need improving in leg power”. Don’t ask and we won’t tell. Why do you think we claim we like cuddling so much. That way when the head is buried in your shoulder, we can just pretend we didn’t hear you.

We aren’t that complicated. Even though you all walk around complaining that we are. We have simple rules. Don’t rat on us to the boys. Don’t bitch about our girlfriends. Do not hit on our sisters and our best friends. If you hear us complaining about our mothers, don’t chime in. Treat our fathers with respect. Hold your ground with our boy friends. If you are asked if you like us in the outfit, when we are dressed to the nines and almost out the door, say yes, and stick to that version all evening. Also, don’t tell us we ask too many questions. (It just makes us ask more). Don’t evade. (It makes you look like a liar). Don’t lie. (We already know you that its more instinctual than planned). And for gods sake enough with the solution, we know how to fix our lives and our problems.

This does not mean that we are cynics or are jaded. It doesn’t mean that we are cold and calculating. It also doesn’t imply that we are mean and manipulative. We think you are special. We like you all, heck we even love a few of you. We would like it if you remembered that. But do not rain on our parade. Do not wonder why we found that one kiss the most special. It is because we were fighting. And we both said mean, hurtful things to each other. And then we kissed and made up. And it was special. And sweet. And then we told you later that it was special. And sweet. Now don’t fuck with that bit of information. That is us revealing our private side. The side we hardly reveal to anyone. We don’t mind that you don’t remember. We are happy that we have you in our lives. And that day we were afraid that we might have lost that. And now that you are still here, we love it, and oh yeah, we love you too.