Waiting...

Moon River. Do I know a more poignant song? Audrey Hepburn, sitting on her fire escape, singing slowly and with all her heart – that’s where I am today. Aching for the friends that aren’t here. Uncomfortable knowing that I will never have all the people I ache for in the same city as me. Actually, there isn’t an “all” – there are maybe just three or four people I’m longing to see tonight. I’d settle for just one, really, if I could.

There is a place I fell in love with from the moment I sat down there. There is the extraordinary feeling of wanting to be in no other place but that one. There is the extraordinary feeling of being with a person I want to be with, of knowing the place I was going to fall asleep in that night was exactly where I want to be.

I worry sometimes that my friends will forget me. That if I will stay away too long, because I cannot go home, and when I do go home, they will have learned to be without me, just as I sometimes must get on without them. I worry when the person I get along with best in the world doesn’t call in a day. How long will they go without before they begin to let me go?

You would think I would have learned by now, where I want to be. But I haven’t. If there’s something I fear more than losing my friends, it’s losing the magic of a place I love. I fear routine, I fear not being able to get excited at an evening there; I fear that talking to him each night before I fall asleep will get dreary. Is there another way to do this? I don’t know. All I am certain of is that where I am is rarely where I want to be right now.